January 20th

I am Jimmy Varn and I am still alive.

The zombie parade keeps going. At least I slept last night. I think I am actually getting used to the sound.

The smell is a whole other thing. Sweet baby Jesus, they smell awful. I tried to eat pears for breakfast and all I could taste was death. It might actually make my supplies last longer if I don’t eat.

I am down to two bottles of water. I am fucked.

Which is why I have to say what I need to say. I wanted to talk about how we fortified the store and moved bookshelves. I wanted to discuss how Ken organized us into shifts, customers and employees alike and set up a watch. I want to talk about how Paul, Doris and the big wrestler guy died and came to life. I could talk about how we had to kill them. I could fill a page with how Gwen died when we tried to get to a car, but you know what? That is all unimportant.

What I want to talk about is when we started to run out of food. We had a little coffee shop so we had some good supplies. Ken said that we needed more food. He suggested that some of us go out and get some food from the restaurant across the street. He said that if just four of us went, we could bring back enough to feed all of us for a month.

It sounded good. Ken said he would lead the group and he wanted the three college kids to help him because they were in the best shape.

Their names were Jenna, Walt and oh god, I can’t remember your name, dude. I am so sorry.

I was a little surprised when he picked them. In the few days since Hell Day, things had gotten really tense. Ken kept giving orders and we all obeyed him because he was the boss, you know? We were used to doing what he said. Even during the apocalypse, it seemed like Ken knew what to do. We were glad for someone to have an idea of what to do.

But those kids, they kept asking questions. They argued about the water rationing. They insisted on setting something on the roof to attract a rescue. Ken would give an order and those kids wanted to discuss if it was actually a good idea.

Ha, you can tell those guys had never held a job.

So when Ken recommended that the kids come along, I think the college fucks were happy to. They saw it as a way of being on the scene to help make decisions. While the rest of us were afraid to leave the store, the college kids were eager to do something. I remember Walt worked out silent hand signals before they left.

Poor bastards.

So Ken and the kids go out. They run out the back door and we watched from the windows as they make their way to the restaurant. We watched them all go in. Each one of us back at the store was just thanking God that it wasn’t us out there.

They started to bring out boxes of food. We cheered from inside the bookstore. They were stacking it on the street and my stomach started to growl. I almost went out to help but fuck that shit. The last time we left the store, Gwen got eaten by at least seven zombies. None of us were going out there till Ken told us to.

Ken came out while everyone else was back in the store. Then he did something really weird. He had some keys and he locked the door. Then he ran back to us. He told us to come out and grab the food. Like an army we poured out and started grabbing food.

I was the only one to question him. I demanded to know what that was all about. Where was Walt, Jenna and the other dude?

“They were necessary cutbacks,” ken said. “They weren’t team players. There were too many people in the bookstore and we don’t have supplies for everyone.”

I was stunned. Apparently, there were zombies in the main dining area and Ken told the kids to look into the kitchen. Ken had located the keys at the restaurant while the kids were looking for food. He had them loot the kitchen and bring the food out. As they were getting ready to leave, Ken encouraged them to check the freezer out again. While they did that, Ken banged a loud kettle till he had all of the zombies’ attention and then ran out. He figured that with the zombies riled up, they would find the kids.

“Problem solved,” he said. He actually smiled.

I was pissed. I called him an asshole and a bastard. I turned to my coworkers. I asked them what do we do about Ken’s murderous ass?

They thought he did the right thing. They were just glad that they had made the cut. God damn. Vicki, who wouldn’t fucking eat meat because it hurt animals, said that the kids were going to get us all in trouble if they stuck around.

Fuckers. Ken told me that as his assistant manager I needed to toughen up and be ready to make the hard choices.

I should have gone out there and tried to help those kids. I mean, Ken wouldn’t have stopped me. I thought about Jenna and how she read those mysteries. I thought about Walter who had the biggest crush on her and she was oblivious. I thought about dude who I can’t remember. He was so damn quiet.

I could have helped. Just one guy with a lead pipe who wasn’t panicking could have been a big help.

Oh God, I hope those kids aren’t in the parade.

I was too scared. I was too damn scared. I was terrified just like I am right now with the zombie parade out there. I stormed off and sat by myself in the world history section. People left me alone. Fuck, they were probably planning to make me the next necessary cutback.

They closed the blinds and went to work on the food. I didn’t have any. I couldn’t believe how easy it was for my coworkers. Food was much more important than the betrayal.

That night I packed my shit and left.