February 15th

This is Jimmy Varn and I am alone.

I woke up this morning and Crystal was gone. At first I thought she was outside, using the area I had set aside as the latrine. I checked out the windows and she wasn’t there. I called out to her and searched the whole house. My heart was pounding. Was she dead?

That was when I started to realize some things were missing. Quite a few bottles of water were missing, as well as most of the cans of spaghetti and beef stew. She also took my only fucking can opener so I am not sure what I am going to do about that. One of the smaller coats is gone, as well as some of the toilet paper.

Crystal also took all of the chocolate chip cookies and that is when I started to cry.

Once I got that out of my system, I went to get the bike so I could find her. She took that too. God damn. That bike was the second best thing to happen to me, and she took it. There was no way I could catch up to her.

Why did she leave? I have spent all morning thinking about it. Did I offend her? We had sex last night and I thought it was pretty fantastic. Did I do something wrong?

Did I bother her with all my plans? Did she think I was too bossy?

Fuck, why didn’t she just tell me instead of running off? I would have done anything she wanted. I would have agreed to anything. I only knew her for two days but having her around had made me so happy. Just having someone to talk to was fantastic.

The stealing hurts. I would have given her the stuff. Well, maybe not the cookies but I would have given her more of everything. I sure as fuck would have insisted she learned how to use a gun. She might have stolen some things that I haven’t discovered yet, but the fact that she took anything hurts. I worked hard for all of this shit. It was mine to give her.

I do wonder about all the help she gave me. She worked on those rain gutter barrels longer than I was willing to. Maybe she knew she was leaving soon and wanted to help me as much as she could. Fuck, did she plan to leave me all along?

It hurts that she didn’t even tell me. It hurts that she didn’t say goodbye. It hurts that she left.

How awful a guy must I be if a girl is willing to go out into zombie world rather than stay with me?

Fuck.