February 3rd

This is Jimmy Varn, sore as fuck and still alive.

Oh fuck, I am in pain. I am grateful the Screamers stockpiled different medicines because I would have been fucked up without their neproxium sodium. I did something to my back and it is fucking sore. I hope it is just the normal pain you get after digging two graves and not something serious. It needs to get better.

Shit, I do not want to be killed by zombies because I move slower than they do.

So I dug a grave for the female Screamer in the same yard as Mr. Corbin. I turned it into my own little graveyard. I am not sure if that makes me more civilized or just fucking macabre. If I was smart, I would start digging my own grave so whomever lives here next can go ahead and bury me.

Screamer’s grave went faster because I figured three feet was good enough for her. It is also a much narrower grave than the one I made for Corbin. Since Screamer got eaten, there is a bit less of her to bury.

I was almost done digging the grave when stopped for the night. I came back home and had my can of dinner corn and green peas. Then I spent a leisurely evening reading a Clive Barker anthology. I chopped some wood up for the fire and went to sleep in front of it.

Next morning I tried to get up. Ha, I half rose before the pain sent me back down to the floor. Fuck. I have never hurt this bad. It is right at the base of my spine and I am praying that it is not something serious. Why did I have to be a fucking bookseller instead of a doctor?

So far I have taken a shitload of painkillers and I have been trying not to move. I’ve moved to the couch and I spent the morning trying not to move. I keep the fire going because you know, it is fucking cold, but getting up a challenge. Standing is ok and sitting is ok, but it is the moving in between that sucks.

And oh fuck did it hurt to go the stairs to the generator today. I came though. I wanted to blog. I wanted to tell you what was happening.

I also wanted to tell the world that I am here. I am still alive. Come get me already! I am in a bad way and I need help. Just look for the chimney smoke you cocksuckers!

It started to rain this morning and I debated dragging my hurt ass up and getting the barrel out there to collect water. I laid there on the couch, in pain, and felt this tremendous sense of failure that I wasn’t collecting any water.

I fucking cried because I couldn’t collect rainwater in a dirty barrel.

This is getting to be too much.

Save me.